Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

Quote by Phyllis Diller

Topics: Funny Quotes, Marriage Quotes

You know you're old if your walker has an airbag.

You know you're old if your walker has an airbag.

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once

My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.

My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the...

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the...

I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it...

I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it...

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions...

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions...

Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.

Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.

The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't...

The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't...

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle--keep away from children.

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle--keep away from children.

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing...

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing...

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing...

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing...

His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.

His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next...

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next...

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next...

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next...