Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it.

Quote by W C Fields

Topics: W C Fields Quotes

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and...

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and...

I was in love with a beautiful blonde once, dear. She drove me to drink....

I was in love with a beautiful blonde once, dear. She drove me to drink....

You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.

You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.

I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes.

I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes.

During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to...

During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to...

Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a...

Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a...

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink...

There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink...

Here lies W. C. Fields. I would rather be living in Philadelphia.

Here lies W. C. Fields. I would rather be living in Philadelphia.

It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.

It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

It was a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy...

It was a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy...

The movie people would have nothing to do with me until they heard me speak...

The movie people would have nothing to do with me until they heard me speak...

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.

Sleep -- the most beautiful experience in life -- except drink.

Sleep -- the most beautiful experience in life -- except drink.

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

I never met a kid I liked.

I never met a kid I liked.

Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget...

Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget...

There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull...

There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull...

The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.

The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.