Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it.

Quote by W C Fields

Topics: W C Fields Quotes

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep...

Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep...

There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull...

There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull...

I only drink to steady my nerves. Sometimes I'm so steady I don't move for...

I only drink to steady my nerves. Sometimes I'm so steady I don't move for...

Here lies W. C. Fields. I would rather be living in Philadelphia.

Here lies W. C. Fields. I would rather be living in Philadelphia.

The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn...

The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn...

Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget...

Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget...

I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.

I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

I like children - fried.

I like children - fried.

Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim...

Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim...

Women are like elephants. I like to look at 'em, but I wouldn't want to...

Women are like elephants. I like to look at 'em, but I wouldn't want to...

It was a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy...

It was a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy...

If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.

If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.

It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.

It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.

The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was...

The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was...

The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.

The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.

I'm free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

I'm free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.

Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.

If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind.

If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind.