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Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.

Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.

Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.

Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.

Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a...

Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a...

Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.

Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.

I'm free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

I'm free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.

If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.

If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind.

If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind.

If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.

If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.

It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.

It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.

It was a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy...

It was a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy...

Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket.

Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket.

Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget...

Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget...

There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull...

There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull...

Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against.

Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against.

Here lies W. C. Fields. I would rather be living in Philadelphia.

Here lies W. C. Fields. I would rather be living in Philadelphia.

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which...

I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which...

I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake,...

I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake,...