You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.

Quote by W C Fields

Topics: W C Fields Quotes

A diet is a selection of food that makes other people lose weight

A diet is a selection of food that makes other people lose weight

The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.

The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.

There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink...

There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink...

I'm free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

I'm free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to...

During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to...

The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to...

The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to...

Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days...

Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days...

I drink therefore I am.

I drink therefore I am.

On the whole, I'd rather be in Philidelphia.

On the whole, I'd rather be in Philidelphia.

I was in love with a beautiful blonde once, dear. She drove me to drink....

I was in love with a beautiful blonde once, dear. She drove me to drink....

Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget...

Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget...

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes.

I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes.

If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind.

If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind.

I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

So long as the presence of death lurks with anyone who goes through the simple...

So long as the presence of death lurks with anyone who goes through the simple...

When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.

When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.

How could you go about choosing something that would hold the half of your heart...

How could you go about choosing something that would hold the half of your heart...

Perhaps they are not stars, but rather openings in heaven where the love of our...

Perhaps they are not stars, but rather openings in heaven where the love of our...