You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.

Quote by W C Fields

Topics: W C Fields Quotes

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.

Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.

Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.

So long as the presence of death lurks with anyone who goes through the simple...

So long as the presence of death lurks with anyone who goes through the simple...

Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a...

Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a...

I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.

I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.

Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like...

Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like...

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes.

I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes.

Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.

Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.

I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.

I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in...

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in...

Women are like elephants. I like to look at 'em, but I wouldn't want to...

Women are like elephants. I like to look at 'em, but I wouldn't want to...

I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.

I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.

I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake,...

I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake,...

I never vote for anyone. I always vote against.

I never vote for anyone. I always vote against.

There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull...

There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull...

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid...

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid...

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

Nobody needs a smile so much as the one who has none to give. So...

Nobody needs a smile so much as the one who has none to give. So...

Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be...

Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be...