There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it.

Quote by W C Fields

Topics: W C Fields Quotes

I like children - fried.

I like children - fried.

The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.

The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.

If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind.

If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind.

So long as the presence of death lurks with anyone who goes through the simple...

So long as the presence of death lurks with anyone who goes through the simple...

Sleep -- the most beautiful experience in life -- except drink.

Sleep -- the most beautiful experience in life -- except drink.

During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to...

During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to...

The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was...

The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was...

Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like...

Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like...

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.

I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.

Sleep - the most beautiful experience in life - except drink.

Sleep - the most beautiful experience in life - except drink.

Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a...

Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a...

I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.

Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against.

Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against.

When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.

When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.

He who doesn't fear death dies only once.

He who doesn't fear death dies only once.

We artists! We moon-struck and God-struck ones! We death-silent, untiring wanderers on heights which we...

We artists! We moon-struck and God-struck ones! We death-silent, untiring wanderers on heights which we...