There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it.

Quote by W C Fields

Topics: W C Fields Quotes

If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.

If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.

Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?

Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?

I'm free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

I'm free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and...

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and...

Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep...

Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep...

Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days...

Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days...

I only drink to steady my nerves. Sometimes I'm so steady I don't move for...

I only drink to steady my nerves. Sometimes I'm so steady I don't move for...

The movie people would have nothing to do with me until they heard me speak...

The movie people would have nothing to do with me until they heard me speak...

The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to...

The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to...

Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what...

Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what...

Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.

Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.

Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.

Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.

So long as the presence of death lurks with anyone who goes through the simple...

So long as the presence of death lurks with anyone who goes through the simple...

I like children - fried.

I like children - fried.

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what...

Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what...

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

On the whole, I'd rather be in Philidelphia.

On the whole, I'd rather be in Philidelphia.

I'm free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

I'm free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake,...

I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake,...