There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it.

Quote by W C Fields

Topics: W C Fields Quotes

I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.

I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.

I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which...

I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which...

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

Here lies W. C. Fields. I would rather be living in Philadelphia.

Here lies W. C. Fields. I would rather be living in Philadelphia.

I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake,...

I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake,...

I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to...

During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to...

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.

Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned.

Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned.

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.

When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.

I never met a kid I liked.

I never met a kid I liked.

I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home.

I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home.

Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what...

Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what...

I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.

I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

Nobody believes the official spokesman, but everybody trusts an unidentified source.

Nobody believes the official spokesman, but everybody trusts an unidentified source.

One can always tell it's summer when one sees school teachers hanging about the streets...

One can always tell it's summer when one sees school teachers hanging about the streets...

The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero...

The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero...