It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.

Quote by W C Fields

Topics: W C Fields Quotes

There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink...

There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink...

Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.

Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.

I'm free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

I'm free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

On the whole, I'd rather be in Philidelphia.

On the whole, I'd rather be in Philidelphia.

I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes.

I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes.

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.

I never met a kid I liked.

I never met a kid I liked.

Here lies W. C. Fields. I would rather be living in Philadelphia.

Here lies W. C. Fields. I would rather be living in Philadelphia.

The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn...

The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn...

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

So long as the presence of death lurks with anyone who goes through the simple...

So long as the presence of death lurks with anyone who goes through the simple...

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.

I was in love with a beautiful blonde once, dear. She drove me to drink....

I was in love with a beautiful blonde once, dear. She drove me to drink....

During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to...

During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to...

Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.

Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.

The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.

The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.

Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a...

Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a...

Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like...

Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like...

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.