You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.

Quote by W C Fields

Topics: W C Fields Quotes

Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a...

Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a...

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.

Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned.

Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned.

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.

The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.

I was in love with a beautiful blonde once, dear. She drove me to drink....

I was in love with a beautiful blonde once, dear. She drove me to drink....

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was...

The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was...

Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget...

Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget...

Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a...

Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a...

The movie people would have nothing to do with me until they heard me speak...

The movie people would have nothing to do with me until they heard me speak...

I'm free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

I'm free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

It was a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy...

It was a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy...

It was a woman who drove me to drink -- and, you know, I never...

It was a woman who drove me to drink -- and, you know, I never...

I drink therefore I am.

I drink therefore I am.

Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what...

Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what...

A diet is a selection of food that makes other people lose weight

A diet is a selection of food that makes other people lose weight

On the whole, I'd rather be in Philidelphia.

On the whole, I'd rather be in Philidelphia.

Never give a sucker an even break.

Never give a sucker an even break.

Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.

Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.