Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake.

Quote by W C Fields

Topics: W C Fields Quotes

Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.

Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.

Never give a sucker an even break.

Never give a sucker an even break.

Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a...

Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a...

Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what...

Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what...

Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand...

Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand...

I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home.

I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home.

I was in love with a beautiful blonde once, dear. She drove me to drink....

I was in love with a beautiful blonde once, dear. She drove me to drink....

The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.

The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes.

I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes.

There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink...

There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink...

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and...

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and...

I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

It was a woman who drove me to drink -- and, you know, I never...

It was a woman who drove me to drink -- and, you know, I never...

Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep...

Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep...

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid...

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid...

Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?

Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.

Money is the representative of a certain quantity of corn or other commodity. It is...

Money is the representative of a certain quantity of corn or other commodity. It is...

It's a terribly hard job to spend a billion dollars and get your money's worth.

It's a terribly hard job to spend a billion dollars and get your money's worth.