Quotes by Woody Allen

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with...

#Death

It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

#Death

I think you should defend to the death their right to march, and then go...

#Death

Just don't take any class where you have to read BEOWULF.

#Advice

She wore a short skirt and a tight sweater and her figure described a set...

#Appearance

The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small.

#Food

My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by...

#Failure, #Luck, #Success

Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come...

#Woody Allen

I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.

#Woody Allen

I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl...

#Woody Allen

I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves...

#Woody Allen

I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.

#Woody Allen