Quotes by Woody Allen

In Beverly Hills...they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.

#Funny, #Hollywood

Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends.

#Funny, #God

How can I believe in God when only last week I got my tongue caught...

#Funny, #God

The baby is fine. The only problem is that he looks like Edward G. Robinson.

#Children, #Funny

The last time I was inside a woman was when I was inside the Statue...

#Funny, #Sex

Sex is better than talk...Talk is what you suffer through so you can get to...

#Funny, #Sex

Inertia accounts for two-thirds of marriages. But love accounts for the other third.

#Funny, #Marriage

I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.

#Death, #Funny

Seventy percent of success in life is showing up.

#Success

Eighty percent of success is showing up.

#Success

Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.

#Sex

Sex relieves tension - love causes it.

#Woody Allen