When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
Quote by Woody Allen
I was thrown out of NYU for cheating-with the deans wife
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into...
I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.
If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job
My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.
I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.
Sex is nobody's business except the three people involved
If there is reincarnation, I'd like to come back as Pamela Andersons fingertips.
If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in...
She wore a short skirt and a tight sweater and her figure described a set...
I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had...
Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of...
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything...
Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not...
Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.
When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back.
On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done...
Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come...
I am two with nature.