Quotes by George Carlin

People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people...

#Desperation, #Thinking

What are you going to do, play with your prick for another 20 to 30...

#Life

Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.

#Death

At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to...

#Death

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof...

#Belief

Just think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize half of them...

#Humanity

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider...

#Humanity

Oh Beautiful for smoggy skies, insecticide grain, For strip-mined mountain's majesty above the asphalt plain....

#George Carlin

I am is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that...

#George Carlin

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

#George Carlin

Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As...

#George Carlin

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

#George Carlin