Quotes by George Carlin

Let a smile be your umbrella, and you'll end up with a face full of...

#Smile

Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics should be told...

#Women

If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone...

#Politics

When I was a kid, if a guy got killed in a western movie I...

#Movies

If a movie is described as a romantic comedy you can usually find me next...

#Movies

Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough...

#Money

Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony...

#Money

People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people...

#Desperation, #Thinking

What are you going to do, play with your prick for another 20 to 30...

#Life

Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.

#Death

At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to...

#Death

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof...

#Belief