What are you going to do, play with your prick for another 20 to 30 years,>Read People Magazine your whole life...? Take a freakin' chance!
Quote by George Carlin
I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will...
Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics should be told...
You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people...
Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization
Always do whatever's next.
Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left...
Religion is just mind control
The caterpillar does all the work but the butterfly gets all the publicity
Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience...
In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.
The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an...
The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.
The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You...
Isnt it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do 'practice?'
Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going...
At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to...
One can survive everything nowadays, except death, and live down anything, except a good reputation.
The stroke of death is as a lover's pinch, Which hurts and is desired.