Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.

Quote by George Carlin

Topics: Death Quotes

Atheism is a non-prophet organization

Atheism is a non-prophet organization

The caterpillar does all the work but the butterfly gets all the publicity

The caterpillar does all the work but the butterfly gets all the publicity

If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to...

If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to...

When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in...

When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in...

I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to...

I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to...

If you think there's a solution, you're part of the problem

If you think there's a solution, you're part of the problem

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people...

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people...

Think off-center.

Think off-center.

What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?

What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?

If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone...

If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone...

You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.

You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.

Why is there so much controversy about drug testing? I know plenty of guys who...

Why is there so much controversy about drug testing? I know plenty of guys who...

The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I...

The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I...

I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School...

I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School...

Isnt it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do 'practice?'

Isnt it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do 'practice?'

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait...

Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait...

Marry an orphan: you'll never have to spend boring holidays with the in-laws.

Marry an orphan: you'll never have to spend boring holidays with the in-laws.

I hope some day to make you all a cup of coffee. Alright, peace.

I hope some day to make you all a cup of coffee. Alright, peace.

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life....

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life....

Dear Sneeze, if you're gonna happen, happen. Don't put a stupid look on my face...

Dear Sneeze, if you're gonna happen, happen. Don't put a stupid look on my face...