Quotes by George Carlin

Always do whatever's next.

#George Carlin

Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience...

#George Carlin

Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that...

#George Carlin

One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like.

#George Carlin

Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do...

#George Carlin

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

#George Carlin

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.

#George Carlin

If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

#George Carlin

If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.

#George Carlin

If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to...

#George Carlin

I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will...

#George Carlin

I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to...

#George Carlin