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Oh Beautiful for smoggy skies, insecticide grain, For strip-mined mountain's majesty above the asphalt plain....
#George Carlin
Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left...
#George Carlin
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
#George Carlin
Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do...
#George Carlin
One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like.
#George Carlin
Religion is just mind control.
#George Carlin
Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that...
#George Carlin
Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience...
#George Carlin
Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
#George Carlin
When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to...
#George Carlin
When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in...
#George Carlin
You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.
#George Carlin
You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.
#George Carlin
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called...
#George Carlin
I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly...
#George Carlin
I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven't tried that...
#George Carlin
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more...
#George Carlin
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Where's the self-help section? She said...
#George Carlin
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