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The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad...
#George Carlin
Always do whatever's next.
#George Carlin
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
#George Carlin
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
#George Carlin
Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As...
#George Carlin
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
#George Carlin
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone...
#George Carlin
I am is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that...
#George Carlin
Oh Beautiful for smoggy skies, insecticide grain, For strip-mined mountain's majesty above the asphalt plain....
#George Carlin
Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience...
#George Carlin
Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
#George Carlin
Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left...
#George Carlin
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
#George Carlin
Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do...
#George Carlin
One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like.
#George Carlin
Religion is just mind control.
#George Carlin
Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that...
#George Carlin
I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven't tried that...
#George Carlin
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