Quotes by George Carlin

Atheism is a non-prophet organization

#God

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people...

#God

Electricity is really just organized lightning.

#Electricity, #Funny

In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.

#Funny

What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?

#Funny

Weather forecast for tonight: dark.

#Funny

When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot's hands.

#Life

This is a little prayer dedicated to the separation of church and state. I guess...

#Religion

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that...

#Religion

The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.

#Funny, #Life

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

#Drink, #Funny

By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.

#Truth