I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.

Quote by Phyllis Diller

Topics: Children Quotes, Mothers Quotes

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle--keep away from children.

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle--keep away from children.

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age as your beauty fades,...

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age as your beauty fades,...

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions...

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions...

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and...

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and...

There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto.

There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto.

I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it...

I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it...

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.

Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and three...

Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and three...

Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.

Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty...

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty...

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next...

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next...

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions...

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions...

Health - what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down.

Health - what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down.

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor

I liked the energy of cooking, the action, the camaraderie. I often compare the kitchen...

I liked the energy of cooking, the action, the camaraderie. I often compare the kitchen...

The qualities of an exceptional cook are akin to those of a successful tightrope walker:...

The qualities of an exceptional cook are akin to those of a successful tightrope walker:...

I get quite lazy about cooking because when I come back from work it is...

I get quite lazy about cooking because when I come back from work it is...