When I was born ... the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father ... I'm very sorry. We did everything we could ... but he pulled through.

Quote by Rodney Dangerfield

Topics: Funny Quotes, Parents Quotes

I was so poor growing up...if I wasn't a boy...I'd have nothing to play with.

I was so poor growing up...if I wasn't a boy...I'd have nothing to play with.

My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a...

My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a...

When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.

When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.

Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask. Each time...

Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask. Each time...

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex. In fact, I...

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex. In fact, I...

I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a...

I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a...

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion....

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion....

My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.

My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.

My marriage is on the rocks again; yeah, my wife just broke up with her...

My marriage is on the rocks again; yeah, my wife just broke up with her...

If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.

If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.

Life is just a bowl of pits.

Life is just a bowl of pits.

One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.

One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.

I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.

I told my psychiatrist everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous; everyone hasn't...

I told my psychiatrist everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous; everyone hasn't...

I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.

I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.

A child wants some kind of undisrupted routine or rhythm. He seems to want a...

A child wants some kind of undisrupted routine or rhythm. He seems to want a...

I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my...

I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my...