My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.

Quote by Rodney Dangerfield

Topics: Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.

When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.

My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's...

My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's...

My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to...

My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to...

I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a...

I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a...

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an...

I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an...

My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the...

My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the...

I told my psychiatrist everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous; everyone hasn't...

I told my psychiatrist everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous; everyone hasn't...

I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and...

I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and...

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.

I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life....

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life....

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life....

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life....

At my age, I'm envious of a stiff wind.

At my age, I'm envious of a stiff wind.

My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately,...

My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately,...

What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.

What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.

Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves...

Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves...

One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.

One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.

I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.

I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.

I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and...

I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and...