The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.

Quote by Rodney Dangerfield

Topics: Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous -...

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous -...

With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex...

With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex...

Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask. Each time...

Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask. Each time...

My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's...

My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's...

One woman I was dating called and said, 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I...

One woman I was dating called and said, 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I...

I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger...

I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger...

My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the...

My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the...

I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette.

I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.

One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.

Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.

Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life....

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life....

I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and...

I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and...

When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.

When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.

I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician...

I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician...

I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.

I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.

My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told...

My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told...