We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.

Quote by Rodney Dangerfield

Topics: Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life....

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life....

I found there was only one way to look thin, hang out with fat people.

I found there was only one way to look thin, hang out with fat people.

This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing...

This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing...

My psychiatrist told me I'm going crazy. I told him .... If you don't mind...

My psychiatrist told me I'm going crazy. I told him .... If you don't mind...

I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and...

I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and...

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

Most of the arguments to which I am party fall somewhat short of being impressive,...

Most of the arguments to which I am party fall somewhat short of being impressive,...

When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.

When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.

One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.

One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.

My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately,...

My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately,...

Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He...

Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He...

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex. In fact, I...

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex. In fact, I...

Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.

Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the...

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the...

Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves...

Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves...

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.

What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.

What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.

In the school I went to, they asked a kid to prove the law of...

In the school I went to, they asked a kid to prove the law of...

I chased a girl for two years only to discover that her tastes were exactly...

I chased a girl for two years only to discover that her tastes were exactly...

The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since...

The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since...

Every board member should have the right to stand up and vote the way they...

Every board member should have the right to stand up and vote the way they...