We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.

Quote by Rodney Dangerfield

Topics: Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

I was so poor growing up...if I wasn't a boy...I'd have nothing to play with.

I was so poor growing up...if I wasn't a boy...I'd have nothing to play with.

I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an...

I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an...

I found there was only one way to look thin, hang out with fat people.

I found there was only one way to look thin, hang out with fat people.

Life is just a bowl of pits.

Life is just a bowl of pits.

One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.

One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.

I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician...

I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician...

My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

At my age, I'm envious of a stiff wind.

At my age, I'm envious of a stiff wind.

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the...

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the...

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she...

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she...

I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette.

I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette.

I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don't know if I'm coming or...

I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don't know if I'm coming or...

If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.

If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.

I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.

I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a...

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a...

The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.

The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday...

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday...

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

Learning is an ornament in prosperity, a refuge in adversity, and a provision in old...

Learning is an ornament in prosperity, a refuge in adversity, and a provision in old...

I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove...

I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove...