I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.

Quote by Rodney Dangerfield

Topics: Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing...

This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing...

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

In the school I went to, they asked a kid to prove the law of...

In the school I went to, they asked a kid to prove the law of...

I was so poor growing up...if I wasn't a boy...I'd have nothing to play with.

I was so poor growing up...if I wasn't a boy...I'd have nothing to play with.

I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette.

I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette.

I'm so ugly - My father carries around a picture of the kid who came...

I'm so ugly - My father carries around a picture of the kid who came...

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met

I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.

I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.

I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and...

I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and...

I'm so ugly - I worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how...

I'm so ugly - I worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how...

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex. In fact, I...

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex. In fact, I...

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.

If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask. Each time...

Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask. Each time...

Most of the arguments to which I am party fall somewhat short of being impressive,...

Most of the arguments to which I am party fall somewhat short of being impressive,...

I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.

I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.

Everyone says that looks don't matter, age doesn't matter, money doesn't matter. But i never...

Everyone says that looks don't matter, age doesn't matter, money doesn't matter. But i never...

One woman I was dating called and said, 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I...

One woman I was dating called and said, 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I...

Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.

Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.

When grace is joined with wrinkles, it is adorable. There is an unspeakable dawn in...

When grace is joined with wrinkles, it is adorable. There is an unspeakable dawn in...