I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.

Quote by Rodney Dangerfield

Topics: Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger...

I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger...

My marriage is on the rocks again; yeah, my wife just broke up with her...

My marriage is on the rocks again; yeah, my wife just broke up with her...

My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.

My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.

What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.

What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.

Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask. Each time...

Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask. Each time...

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex. In fact, I...

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex. In fact, I...

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday...

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday...

The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.

The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.

I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an...

I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an...

At my age, I'm envious of a stiff wind.

At my age, I'm envious of a stiff wind.

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion....

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion....

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the...

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the...

A girl phoned me the other day and said ... Come on over, there's nobody...

A girl phoned me the other day and said ... Come on over, there's nobody...

When I was born ... the doctor came out to the waiting room and said...

When I was born ... the doctor came out to the waiting room and said...

Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask. Each time...

Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask. Each time...

I was so poor growing up...if I wasn't a boy...I'd have nothing to play with.

I was so poor growing up...if I wasn't a boy...I'd have nothing to play with.

My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

Whenever I'm caught between two evils, I take the one I've never tried.

Whenever I'm caught between two evils, I take the one I've never tried.

Santa Claus has the right idea. Only visit people once a year.

Santa Claus has the right idea. Only visit people once a year.

Remember to love your parents...We are so busy growing up, we often forget they are...

Remember to love your parents...We are so busy growing up, we often forget they are...