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My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a...
#Rodney Dangerfield
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion....
#Rodney Dangerfield
My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the...
#Rodney Dangerfield
My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
#Rodney Dangerfield
My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told...
#Rodney Dangerfield
My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately,...
#Rodney Dangerfield
My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to...
#Rodney Dangerfield
A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.'...
#Rodney Dangerfield
I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and...
#Rodney Dangerfield
I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician...
#Rodney Dangerfield
I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
#Rodney Dangerfield
I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.
#Rodney Dangerfield
I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette.
#Rodney Dangerfield
My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her...
#Rodney Dangerfield
When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
#Rodney Dangerfield
With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex...
#Rodney Dangerfield
I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
#Rodney Dangerfield
I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a...
#Rodney Dangerfield
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