This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.

Quote by Rodney Dangerfield

Topics: Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then...

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then...

In the school I went to, they asked a kid to prove the law of...

In the school I went to, they asked a kid to prove the law of...

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a...

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a...

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion....

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion....

I was so poor growing up...if I wasn't a boy...I'd have nothing to play with.

I was so poor growing up...if I wasn't a boy...I'd have nothing to play with.

My cousins gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was...

My cousins gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was...

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.

My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to...

My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to...

I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.

I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.

I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.

I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.

Most of the arguments to which I am party fall somewhat short of being impressive,...

Most of the arguments to which I am party fall somewhat short of being impressive,...

My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her...

My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her...

My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and...

My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and...

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex. In fact, I...

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex. In fact, I...

I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.

I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.

I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an...

I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an...

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met

The rest of all the acts of Asa, and all his might, and all that...

The rest of all the acts of Asa, and all his might, and all that...

I have had a holiday, and I'd like to take it up professionally.

I have had a holiday, and I'd like to take it up professionally.