One woman I was dating called and said, 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.

Quote by Rodney Dangerfield

Topics: Dating Quotes, Funny Quotes

I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.

I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.

A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.'...

A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.'...

I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.

I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.

My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.

My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.

I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette.

I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette.

I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.

I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a...

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a...

I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a...

I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a...

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the...

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the...

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex. In fact, I...

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex. In fact, I...

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

When I was born ... the doctor came out to the waiting room and said...

When I was born ... the doctor came out to the waiting room and said...

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life....

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life....

What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.

What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met

I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an...

I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an...

Everyone says that looks don't matter, age doesn't matter, money doesn't matter. But i never...

Everyone says that looks don't matter, age doesn't matter, money doesn't matter. But i never...

My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told...

My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told...

Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.

Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.

I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and...

I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and...