In the school I went to, they asked a kid to prove the law of gravity and he threw the teacher out of the window.
Quote by Rodney Dangerfield
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous -...
On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's...
I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she...
When I was born ... the doctor came out to the waiting room and said...
I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life....
My marriage is on the rocks again; yeah, my wife just broke up with her...
My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her...
One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.
Life is just a bowl of pits.
My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately,...
The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
I was so poor growing up...if I wasn't a boy...I'd have nothing to play with.
If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.
Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.
I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves...
I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex...