In the school I went to, they asked a kid to prove the law of gravity and he threw the teacher out of the window.
Quote by Rodney Dangerfield
When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
One woman I was dating called and said, 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I...
If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.
When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a...
I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous -...
I found there was only one way to look thin, hang out with fat people.
My marriage is on the rocks again; yeah, my wife just broke up with her...
I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.
My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to...
One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.
My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask. Each time...
I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an...
I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
My psychiatrist told me I'm going crazy. I told him .... If you don't mind...
If you want to be loved, be lovable.
A healthy community is one in which the elderly protect, care for, love and assist...