I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
Quote by Rodney Dangerfield
I was so poor growing up...if I wasn't a boy...I'd have nothing to play with.
A girl phoned me the other day and said ... Come on over, there's nobody...
I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.
When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette.
My cousins gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was...
I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life....
I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the...
One woman I was dating called and said, 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I...
In the school I went to, they asked a kid to prove the law of...
What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
My psychiatrist told me I'm going crazy. I told him .... If you don't mind...
Life is just a bowl of pits.
My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then...
When I was born ... the doctor came out to the waiting room and said...
When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an...
Continue to express your dissent and your needs, but remember to remain civilized, for you...
A man cannot make him laugh; but that's no marvel; he drinks no wine