I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
Quote by Rodney Dangerfield
When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a...
I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous -...
I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's...
My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and...
It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she...
This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing...
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
I'm so ugly - My father carries around a picture of the kid who came...
I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
My marriage is on the rocks again; yeah, my wife just broke up with her...
I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an...
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion....
My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex...