I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.

Quote by Woody Allen

Topics: Being Thankful Quotes, Laughter Quotes

I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.

I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.

As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard...

As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard...

I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.

I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into...

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into...

Tradition is the illusion of permanance.

Tradition is the illusion of permanance.

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with...

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with...

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through...

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through...

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in...

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in...

I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it...

I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it...

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one...

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one...

The baby is fine. The only problem is that he looks like Edward G. Robinson.

The baby is fine. The only problem is that he looks like Edward G. Robinson.

Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen.

Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen.

In Beverly Hills...they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.

In Beverly Hills...they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.

On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done...

On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done...

Inertia accounts for two-thirds of marriages. But love accounts for the other third.

Inertia accounts for two-thirds of marriages. But love accounts for the other third.

Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it

Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it

Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.

Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.

In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.

In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.

What's really important in life? Sitting on a beach? Looking at television eight hours a...

What's really important in life? Sitting on a beach? Looking at television eight hours a...

Another possible source of guidance for teenagers is television, but television's message has always been...

Another possible source of guidance for teenagers is television, but television's message has always been...