I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.

Quote by Woody Allen

Topics: Being Thankful Quotes, Laughter Quotes

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one...

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one...

There is no remedy for sex but more sex.

There is no remedy for sex but more sex.

Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down....

Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down....

Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I...

Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I...

I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had...

I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had...

I don't have to 'freedom-kiss' my wife when what I really want to do is...

I don't have to 'freedom-kiss' my wife when what I really want to do is...

The baby is fine. The only problem is that he looks like Edward G. Robinson.

The baby is fine. The only problem is that he looks like Edward G. Robinson.

Eighty percent of success is showing up.

Eighty percent of success is showing up.

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with...

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with...

I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl...

I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl...

Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.

Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.

Don't knock masturbation - it's sex with someone I love

Don't knock masturbation - it's sex with someone I love

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

Tradition is the illusion of permanance.

Tradition is the illusion of permanance.

I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves...

I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves...

Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.

Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.

I believe there is something out there watching over us. Unfortunately, it's the government.

I believe there is something out there watching over us. Unfortunately, it's the government.

Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer sex raises some...

Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer sex raises some...

It is wrong to think that love comes from long companionship and persevering courtship. Love...

It is wrong to think that love comes from long companionship and persevering courtship. Love...

Life is the flower for which love is the honey.

Life is the flower for which love is the honey.