Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.

Quote by Phyllis Diller

Topics: Phyllis Diller Quotes

You know you're old if your walker has an airbag.

You know you're old if your walker has an airbag.

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has...

Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has...

Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and three...

Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and three...

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and...

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and...

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing...

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing...

I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.

I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.

You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.

You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.

The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't...

The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't...

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next...

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next...

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.

Aim high, and you won't shoot your foot off.

Aim high, and you won't shoot your foot off.

He has so many muscles he has to make an appointment to move his fingers.

He has so many muscles he has to make an appointment to move his fingers.

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and...

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and...

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next...

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next...

Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your...

Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your...

The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you...

The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you...

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?