Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.

Quote by Phyllis Diller

Topics: Phyllis Diller Quotes

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.

Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and three...

Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and three...

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and...

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and...

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next...

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next...

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.

My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle--keep away from children.

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle--keep away from children.

There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto.

There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto.

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing...

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing...

Aim high, and you won't shoot your foot off.

Aim high, and you won't shoot your foot off.

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions...

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions...

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...

His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.

His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once

Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier...

Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier...

Loving an old bachelor is always a no-win situation, and you come to terms with...

Loving an old bachelor is always a no-win situation, and you come to terms with...

I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.

I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.

Every man I meet wants to protect me. I can't figure out what from.

Every man I meet wants to protect me. I can't figure out what from.

If you have made mistakes, there is always another chance for you. You may have...

If you have made mistakes, there is always another chance for you. You may have...