I would take a bomb, but I can't stand the noise.

Quote by Joe E Lewis

Topics: Joe E Lewis Quotes

A man is never drunk if he can lay on the floor without holding on.

A man is never drunk if he can lay on the floor without holding on.

Show me a friend in need and I'll show you a pest.

Show me a friend in need and I'll show you a pest.

Show me a man with both feet on the ground and I'll show you a...

Show me a man with both feet on the ground and I'll show you a...

I don't like money actually, but it quiets the nerves.

I don't like money actually, but it quiets the nerves.

Show me a man with very little money and I will show you a bum.

Show me a man with very little money and I will show you a bum.

Adlai Stevenson has a genius for saying the right thing, at the right time, to...

Adlai Stevenson has a genius for saying the right thing, at the right time, to...

I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.

I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.

You only live once - but if you work it right, once is enough.

You only live once - but if you work it right, once is enough.

I'm still chasing girls. I don't remember what for, but I'm still chasing them.

I'm still chasing girls. I don't remember what for, but I'm still chasing them.

I play in the low 80s. If it's any hotter than that, I won't play.

I play in the low 80s. If it's any hotter than that, I won't play.

It pays to get drunk with the best people.

It pays to get drunk with the best people.

I drink to forget I drink.

I drink to forget I drink.

It doesn't matter whether you are rich or poor as long as you've got money.

It doesn't matter whether you are rich or poor as long as you've got money.

There's only one thing money won't buy, and that is poverty.

There's only one thing money won't buy, and that is poverty.

They had me on the operating table all day. They looked into my stomach, my...

They had me on the operating table all day. They looked into my stomach, my...

You are only young once, and if you work it right, once is enough.

You are only young once, and if you work it right, once is enough.

I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days...

I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days...

Look at the average American diet: ice cream, butter, cheese, whole milk, all this fat....

Look at the average American diet: ice cream, butter, cheese, whole milk, all this fat....

A boxer's diet should be low in fat and high in proteins and sugar. Therefore...

A boxer's diet should be low in fat and high in proteins and sugar. Therefore...

Diets, like clothes, should be tailored to you.

Diets, like clothes, should be tailored to you.

I can remember Doris Day before she was a virgin.

I can remember Doris Day before she was a virgin.

When I was a kid my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman. After school we'd all...

When I was a kid my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman. After school we'd all...