They had me on the operating table all day. They looked into my stomach, my gall bladder, they examined everything inside of me. Know what they decided? I need glasses.

Quote by Joe E Lewis

Topics: Joe E Lewis Quotes

I've been on such a losing streak that if I had been around I would...

I've been on such a losing streak that if I had been around I would...

We can afford almost any mistake once.

We can afford almost any mistake once.

I always wake up at the crack of ice.

I always wake up at the crack of ice.

You are only young once, and if you work it right, once is enough.

You are only young once, and if you work it right, once is enough.

I don't drink any more than the man next to me, and the man next...

I don't drink any more than the man next to me, and the man next...

I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.

I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.

I would take a bomb, but I can't stand the noise.

I would take a bomb, but I can't stand the noise.

There's only one thing money won't buy, and that is poverty.

There's only one thing money won't buy, and that is poverty.

Adlai Stevenson has a genius for saying the right thing, at the right time, to...

Adlai Stevenson has a genius for saying the right thing, at the right time, to...

I don't like money actually, but it quiets the nerves.

I don't like money actually, but it quiets the nerves.

Show me a man with very little money and I will show you a bum.

Show me a man with very little money and I will show you a bum.

I'm still chasing girls. I don't remember what for, but I'm still chasing them.

I'm still chasing girls. I don't remember what for, but I'm still chasing them.

Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my Scotch, I say I'm thirsty,...

Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my Scotch, I say I'm thirsty,...

It pays to get drunk with the best people.

It pays to get drunk with the best people.

Show me a man with both feet on the ground and I'll show you a...

Show me a man with both feet on the ground and I'll show you a...

I drink to forget I drink.

I drink to forget I drink.

The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love.

The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love.

Learning to dislike children at an early age saves a lot of expense and aggravation...

Learning to dislike children at an early age saves a lot of expense and aggravation...

Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find...

Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find...

After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes....

After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes....