I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

Quote by Groucho Marx

Topics: Funny Quotes, Relationships Quotes

I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.

Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.

Go, and never darken my towels again.

Go, and never darken my towels again.

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was...

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was...

Anybody who doesn't like this book is healthy

Anybody who doesn't like this book is healthy

Humor is reason gone mad.

Humor is reason gone mad.

I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.

I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.

Life lives, life dies. Life laughs, life cries. Life gives up and life tries. But...

Life lives, life dies. Life laughs, life cries. Life gives up and life tries. But...

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

Before I speak, I have something important to say.

Before I speak, I have something important to say.

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's...

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's...

In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.

In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.

Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have...

Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have...

No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.

No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does

Politics, in a sense, has always been a con game.

Politics, in a sense, has always been a con game.

Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child.

Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child.