My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.

Quote by Rodney Dangerfield

Topics: Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the...

My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the...

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous -...

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous -...

My marriage is on the rocks again; yeah, my wife just broke up with her...

My marriage is on the rocks again; yeah, my wife just broke up with her...

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday...

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday...

We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're...

We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're...

I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a...

I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a...

I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don't know if I'm coming or...

I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don't know if I'm coming or...

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the...

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the...

I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.

I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.

Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves...

Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves...

I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.

I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she...

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she...

Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.

Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then...

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then...

Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask. Each time...

Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask. Each time...

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life....

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life....

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

To be free in an age like ours, one must be in a position of...

To be free in an age like ours, one must be in a position of...

The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for...

The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for...

Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.

Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.

Marrying a man is like buying something you've been admiring for a long time in...

Marrying a man is like buying something you've been admiring for a long time in...