I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.

Quote by Rodney Dangerfield

Topics: Food Quotes, Sex Quotes

I was so poor growing up...if I wasn't a boy...I'd have nothing to play with.

I was so poor growing up...if I wasn't a boy...I'd have nothing to play with.

My cousins gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was...

My cousins gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was...

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex. In fact, I...

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex. In fact, I...

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then...

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then...

I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an...

I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an...

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves...

Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves...

I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a...

I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a...

My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the...

My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the...

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met

I told my psychiatrist everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous; everyone hasn't...

I told my psychiatrist everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous; everyone hasn't...

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately,...

My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately,...

A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.'...

A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.'...

I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don't know if I'm coming or...

I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don't know if I'm coming or...

In the school I went to, they asked a kid to prove the law of...

In the school I went to, they asked a kid to prove the law of...

I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician...

I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician...

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous -...

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous -...

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a...

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a...