I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.

Quote by Woody Allen

Topics: Woody Allen Quotes

There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep...

There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep...

When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back.

When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into...

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into...

The study of economy usually shows us that the best time for purchase was last...

The study of economy usually shows us that the best time for purchase was last...

If my films don't show a profit, I know I'm doing something right.

If my films don't show a profit, I know I'm doing something right.

I think a relationship is like a shark. It has to constantly move forward or...

I think a relationship is like a shark. It has to constantly move forward or...

Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.

Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.

My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by...

My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by...

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too...

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too...

Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen.

Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen.

Seventy percent of success in life is showing up.

Seventy percent of success in life is showing up.

I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.

I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too...

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too...

Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not...

Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not...

If my film makes one more person miserable, I've done my job

If my film makes one more person miserable, I've done my job

Although we've come to the end of the road, still I can't let you go,...

Although we've come to the end of the road, still I can't let you go,...

And my parents finally realize that I'm kidnapped and they snap into action immediately: They...

And my parents finally realize that I'm kidnapped and they snap into action immediately: They...

Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.

Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.

You can kill a lifetime without feeling anything but skin.

You can kill a lifetime without feeling anything but skin.

Strong women leave big hickies

Strong women leave big hickies