If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.

Quote by Henny Youngman

Topics: Henny Youngman Quotes

She has a wash and wear bridal gown.

She has a wash and wear bridal gown.

Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.

Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.

You look like a talent scout for a cemetery.

You look like a talent scout for a cemetery.

If my mother knew I did this for a living, she'd kill me. She thinks...

If my mother knew I did this for a living, she'd kill me. She thinks...

A Jewish woman had 2 chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup...

A Jewish woman had 2 chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup...

She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.

She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say.

When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say.

My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out...

My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out...

Someone stole all my credit cards, but I wont be reporting it. The thief spends...

Someone stole all my credit cards, but I wont be reporting it. The thief spends...

I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one...

I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one...

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to...

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to...

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no...

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no...

This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago...

This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago...

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep...

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep...

She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match.

She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match.

You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.

You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.

I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does...

I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does...

Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.

Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.

You have a nice personality, but not for a human being.

You have a nice personality, but not for a human being.