When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say.

Quote by Henny Youngman

Topics: Henny Youngman Quotes

While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.

While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.

You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.

You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.

Those two are a fastidious couple. She's fast and he's hideous.

Those two are a fastidious couple. She's fast and he's hideous.

How to drive a guy crazy: send him a telegram and on the top put...

How to drive a guy crazy: send him a telegram and on the top put...

I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does...

I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does...

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first...

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first...

A Jewish woman had 2 chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup...

A Jewish woman had 2 chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup...

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.

Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.

You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.

You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.

You look like a talent scout for a cemetery.

You look like a talent scout for a cemetery.

If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.

If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.

Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.

Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.

That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!

That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!

My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out...

My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out...

The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the...

The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the...

Why don't Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering.

Why don't Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering.

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first...

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first...

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no...

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no...

A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill,...

A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill,...