When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say.

Quote by Henny Youngman

Topics: Henny Youngman Quotes

You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.

You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.

Take my wife... Please!

Take my wife... Please!

My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.

My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.

I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does...

I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does...

She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match.

She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match.

There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let...

There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let...

My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but...

My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but...

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first...

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first...

She has a wash and wear bridal gown.

She has a wash and wear bridal gown.

Someone stole all my credit cards, but I wont be reporting it. The thief spends...

Someone stole all my credit cards, but I wont be reporting it. The thief spends...

I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.

I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago...

This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago...

She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.

She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first...

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first...

How to drive a guy crazy: send him a telegram and on the top put...

How to drive a guy crazy: send him a telegram and on the top put...

You look like a talent scout for a cemetery.

You look like a talent scout for a cemetery.

Those two are a fastidious couple. She's fast and he's hideous.

Those two are a fastidious couple. She's fast and he's hideous.

I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one...

I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one...

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep...

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep...