Quotes by Woody Allen

Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come...

#Woody Allen

I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.

#Woody Allen

I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had...

#Woody Allen

I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl...

#Woody Allen

I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves...

#Woody Allen

I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.

#Woody Allen

I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.

#Woody Allen

I ran into Isosceles. He had a great idea for a new triangle!

#Woody Allen

I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by...

#Woody Allen

I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.

#Woody Allen

I don't have to 'freedom-kiss' my wife when what I really want to do is...

#Woody Allen

I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

#Woody Allen