Quotes by Henny Youngman

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

#Bachelors

I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one...

#Henny Youngman

I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him.

#Henny Youngman

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no...

#Henny Youngman

I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does...

#Henny Youngman

How to drive a guy crazy: send him a telegram and on the top put...

#Henny Youngman

A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup...

#Henny Youngman

A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill,...

#Henny Youngman

You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.

#Henny Youngman

Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.

#Henny Youngman

Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.

#Henny Youngman

While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.

#Henny Youngman