Why isn't my life like a situation comedy? Why don't I have a bunch of friends with nothing better to do but drop by and instigate wacky adventures? Why aren't my conversations peppered with spontaneous witticisms? Why don't my friends…

Quote by Bill Watterson

Topics: Comedy Quotes, Life Quotes

Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless.

Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless.

It seems like once people grow up, they have no idea what's cool.

It seems like once people grow up, they have no idea what's cool.

I know the world isn't fair, but why isn't it ever unfair in my favor?

I know the world isn't fair, but why isn't it ever unfair in my favor?

I think we dream so we don't have to be apart so long. If we're...

I think we dream so we don't have to be apart so long. If we're...

That's the whole problem with science. You've got a bunch of empiricists trying to describe...

That's the whole problem with science. You've got a bunch of empiricists trying to describe...

The syndicates take the strip and sell it to newspapers and split the income with...

The syndicates take the strip and sell it to newspapers and split the income with...

A real job is a job you hate.

A real job is a job you hate.

When birds burp, it must taste like bugs.

When birds burp, it must taste like bugs.

Things are never quite as scary when you've got a best friend.

Things are never quite as scary when you've got a best friend.

Heck, what's a little extortion among friends?

Heck, what's a little extortion among friends?

I like these cold, gray winter days. Days like these let you savor a bad...

I like these cold, gray winter days. Days like these let you savor a bad...

We all have different desires and needs, but if we don't discover what we want...

We all have different desires and needs, but if we don't discover what we want...

There is not enough time to do all the nothing we want to do.

There is not enough time to do all the nothing we want to do.

Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless.

Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless.

I won't eat any cereal that doesn't turn the milk purple.

I won't eat any cereal that doesn't turn the milk purple.

Mothers are the necessity of invention.

Mothers are the necessity of invention.

Shutting off the thought process is not rejuvenating; the mind is like a car battery...

Shutting off the thought process is not rejuvenating; the mind is like a car battery...

The purpose of writing is to inflate weak ideas, obscure pure reasoning, and inhibit clarity....

The purpose of writing is to inflate weak ideas, obscure pure reasoning, and inhibit clarity....

I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.

I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.

Talking with you is sort of the conversational equivalent of an out of body experience.

Talking with you is sort of the conversational equivalent of an out of body experience.