Why isn't my life like a situation comedy? Why don't I have a bunch of friends with nothing better to do but drop by and instigate wacky adventures? Why aren't my conversations peppered with spontaneous witticisms? Why don't my friends…

Quote by Bill Watterson

Topics: Comedy Quotes, Life Quotes

Some people are pragmatists, taking things as they come and making the best of the...

Some people are pragmatists, taking things as they come and making the best of the...

When birds burp, it must taste like bugs.

When birds burp, it must taste like bugs.

Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless.

Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless.

Know what's weird? Day by day, nothing seems to change. But pretty soon, everything's different.

Know what's weird? Day by day, nothing seems to change. But pretty soon, everything's different.

That's the whole problem with science. You've got a bunch of empiricists trying to describe...

That's the whole problem with science. You've got a bunch of empiricists trying to describe...

The more you think about things, the weirder they seem. Take this milk. Why do...

The more you think about things, the weirder they seem. Take this milk. Why do...

Oh look, yet another Christmas TV special! How touching to have the meaning of Christmas...

Oh look, yet another Christmas TV special! How touching to have the meaning of Christmas...

Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless.

Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless.

So, what's it like in the real world? Well, the food is better, but beyond...

So, what's it like in the real world? Well, the food is better, but beyond...

It's surprising how hard we'll work when the work is done just for ourselves.

It's surprising how hard we'll work when the work is done just for ourselves.

Letting your mind play is the best way to solve problems.

Letting your mind play is the best way to solve problems.

That's the difference between me and the rest of the world! Happiness isn't good enough...

That's the difference between me and the rest of the world! Happiness isn't good enough...

The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has...

The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has...

If people sat outside and looked at the stars each night, I'll bet they'd live...

If people sat outside and looked at the stars each night, I'll bet they'd live...

Why should I have to work for everything?! It's like saying I don't deserve it!

Why should I have to work for everything?! It's like saying I don't deserve it!

The problem with people is that they're only human.

The problem with people is that they're only human.

It seems like once people grow up, they have no idea what's cool.

It seems like once people grow up, they have no idea what's cool.

I liked things better when I didn't understand them.

I liked things better when I didn't understand them.

Why waste time learning, when ignorance is instantaneous?

Why waste time learning, when ignorance is instantaneous?

Often it takes some calamity to make us live in the present. Then suddenly we...

Often it takes some calamity to make us live in the present. Then suddenly we...