Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I woke up the pillow was gone.

Quote by Tommy Cooper

Topics: Funny Quotes, Sleep Quotes

A woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.' The doctor says, 'It's old...

A woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.' The doctor says, 'It's old...

So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside...

So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside...

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note...

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note...

And the back of his anorak was leaping up and down, and people were chucking...

And the back of his anorak was leaping up and down, and people were chucking...

A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog...

A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog...

I went window shopping today! I bought four windows.

I went window shopping today! I bought four windows.

I inherited a painting and a violin which turned out to be a Rembrandt and...

I inherited a painting and a violin which turned out to be a Rembrandt and...

I used to be indecisive but now I am not quite sure.

I used to be indecisive but now I am not quite sure.

So a man jumps into a taxi and says King Arthur's close and the taxi...

So a man jumps into a taxi and says King Arthur's close and the taxi...

Last night I dreamt I ate a ten pound marshmallow. When I woke up the...

Last night I dreamt I ate a ten pound marshmallow. When I woke up the...

So he said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser...

So he said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser...

So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me Can you...

So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me Can you...

A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog...

A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog...

Well, my wife and I were married in a toilet - it was a marriage...

Well, my wife and I were married in a toilet - it was a marriage...

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note...

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note...

I went into a French restaraunt and asked the waiter, 'Have you got frog's legs?'...

I went into a French restaraunt and asked the waiter, 'Have you got frog's legs?'...

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note...

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note...

Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.

Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.

For your information, I would like to ask a question.

For your information, I would like to ask a question.

I finally moved out of my parents' house. It was only fair to let my...

I finally moved out of my parents' house. It was only fair to let my...

Life is not fair; get used to it.

Life is not fair; get used to it.