My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
Quote by Rodney Dangerfield
Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
I told my psychiatrist everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous; everyone hasn't...
I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don't know if I'm coming or...
I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then...
I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
I was so poor growing up...if I wasn't a boy...I'd have nothing to play with.
I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and...
One woman I was dating called and said, 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I...
My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician...
The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
Everyone says that looks don't matter, age doesn't matter, money doesn't matter. But i never...
Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.
I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life....
When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.
My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's...