My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.

Quote by Rodney Dangerfield

Topics: Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

I told my psychiatrist everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous; everyone hasn't...

I told my psychiatrist everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous; everyone hasn't...

I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.

I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.

My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don't know if I'm coming or...

I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don't know if I'm coming or...

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then...

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then...

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.

I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.

I was so poor growing up...if I wasn't a boy...I'd have nothing to play with.

I was so poor growing up...if I wasn't a boy...I'd have nothing to play with.

I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and...

I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and...

One woman I was dating called and said, 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I...

One woman I was dating called and said, 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I...

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.

I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.

I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician...

I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician...

The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.

The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.

Everyone says that looks don't matter, age doesn't matter, money doesn't matter. But i never...

Everyone says that looks don't matter, age doesn't matter, money doesn't matter. But i never...

Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.

Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life....

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life....

When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.

When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.

I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.

I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.

My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's...

My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's...