If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.

Quote by Rodney Dangerfield

Topics: Funny Quotes, Sex Quotes

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a...

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a...

Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.

Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.

I'm so ugly - My father carries around a picture of the kid who came...

I'm so ugly - My father carries around a picture of the kid who came...

One woman I was dating called and said, 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I...

One woman I was dating called and said, 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I...

I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.

I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.

I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and...

I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and...

I'm so ugly - I worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how...

I'm so ugly - I worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how...

My marriage is on the rocks again; yeah, my wife just broke up with her...

My marriage is on the rocks again; yeah, my wife just broke up with her...

I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don't know if I'm coming or...

I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don't know if I'm coming or...

One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.

One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.

A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.'...

A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.'...

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and...

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and...

I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.

I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.

When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.

When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.

I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger...

I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger...

Everyone says that looks don't matter, age doesn't matter, money doesn't matter. But i never...

Everyone says that looks don't matter, age doesn't matter, money doesn't matter. But i never...

My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to...

My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to...

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

No man should bring children into the world who is unwilling to persevere to the...

No man should bring children into the world who is unwilling to persevere to the...

Where are they now that we, the men whom they sent off to war, have...

Where are they now that we, the men whom they sent off to war, have...

Mum comes in and says 'I'm working out,' and she'll just be standing there naked...

Mum comes in and says 'I'm working out,' and she'll just be standing there naked...