If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.

Quote by Rodney Dangerfield

Topics: Funny Quotes, Sex Quotes

Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask. Each time...

Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask. Each time...

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex. In fact, I...

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex. In fact, I...

My cousins gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was...

My cousins gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was...

Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.

Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.

I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.

I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.

My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the...

My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the...

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion....

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion....

I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don't know if I'm coming or...

I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don't know if I'm coming or...

My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and...

My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and...

I'm so ugly - I worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how...

I'm so ugly - I worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how...

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life....

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life....

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.

Life is just a bowl of pits.

Life is just a bowl of pits.

My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.

My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.

My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately,...

My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately,...

Everyone says that looks don't matter, age doesn't matter, money doesn't matter. But i never...

Everyone says that looks don't matter, age doesn't matter, money doesn't matter. But i never...

This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing...

This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing...

I was so poor growing up...if I wasn't a boy...I'd have nothing to play with.

I was so poor growing up...if I wasn't a boy...I'd have nothing to play with.

Women need a reason to have sex, men just need a place.

Women need a reason to have sex, men just need a place.

Homer, lighten up. You're making 'Happy Hour' bitterly ironic.

Homer, lighten up. You're making 'Happy Hour' bitterly ironic.

Money won't buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff...

Money won't buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff...