The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep.

Quote by Woody Allen

Topics: Funny Quotes, Sleep Quotes

I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.

I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.

In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.

In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.

It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when...

It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when...

Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very...

Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very...

The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone...

The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone...

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves...

I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves...

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.

I think a relationship is like a shark. It has to constantly move forward or...

I think a relationship is like a shark. It has to constantly move forward or...

I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.

I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into...

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into...

Sex is nobody's business except the three people involved

Sex is nobody's business except the three people involved

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one...

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one...

I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl...

I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl...

If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job

If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job

Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.

Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.

I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.

I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.

Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?

Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?

When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back.

When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back.

In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.