The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep.

Quote by Woody Allen

Topics: Funny Quotes, Sleep Quotes

Don't knock masturbation - it's sex with someone I love

Don't knock masturbation - it's sex with someone I love

80% of success is showing up.

80% of success is showing up.

I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.

I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.

In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.

Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of...

Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of...

When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back.

When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back.

I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave...

I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave...

If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil....

If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil....

I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl...

I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl...

Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come...

Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come...

A relationship, I think, is like a shark, you know? It has to constantly move...

A relationship, I think, is like a shark, you know? It has to constantly move...

Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it's one of...

Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it's one of...

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

I'm back... and you knew I was coming. On my way here I passed a...

I'm back... and you knew I was coming. On my way here I passed a...

Ah, women. They make the highs higher and the lows more frequent.

Ah, women. They make the highs higher and the lows more frequent.

No complaint ... is more common than that of a scarcity of money.

No complaint ... is more common than that of a scarcity of money.