I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.

Quote by Steven Wright

Topics: Steven Wright Quotes

Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang Happy Birthday.

Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang Happy Birthday.

Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.

Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.

What's another word for Thesaurus?

What's another word for Thesaurus?

If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?

If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit...

I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit...

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the...

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the...

I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French...

I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French...

When I was in high school, I got in trouble with my girlfriend's Dad. He...

When I was in high school, I got in trouble with my girlfriend's Dad. He...

Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He...

Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He...

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

I invented the cordless extension cord.

I invented the cordless extension cord.

I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my...

I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my...

I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.

I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.

In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel...

In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel...

When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms...

When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms...

If God dropped acid, would he see people?

If God dropped acid, would he see people?

The old paradox: Can God make a stone so heavy that he can't lift it?

The old paradox: Can God make a stone so heavy that he can't lift it?

God is a philosophical black hole, the point where reason breaks down.

God is a philosophical black hole, the point where reason breaks down.

God was satisfied with his own work, and that is fatal.

God was satisfied with his own work, and that is fatal.