And my parents finally realize that I'm kidnapped and they snap into action immediately: They rent out my room.

Quote by Woody Allen

Topics: Parents Quotes

Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.

Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.

Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends.

Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends.

Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will...

Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will...

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

I wish I could think of a positive point to leave you with. Will you...

I wish I could think of a positive point to leave you with. Will you...

If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.

If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.

Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its...

Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its...

I've often said, the only thing standing between me and greatness is me

I've often said, the only thing standing between me and greatness is me

Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of...

Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of...

Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very...

Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very...

It is no secret that organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars...

It is no secret that organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars...

Just don't take any class where you have to read BEOWULF.

Just don't take any class where you have to read BEOWULF.

Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of...

Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of...

My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers.

My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers.

The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what...

The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what...

In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

Chess is not only knowledge and logic.

Chess is not only knowledge and logic.

I'm like Bush, I see the world more like checkers than chess.

I'm like Bush, I see the world more like checkers than chess.

Chess is a foolish expedient for making idle people believe they are doing something very...

Chess is a foolish expedient for making idle people believe they are doing something very...

The counsels of old age give light without heat, like the sun in winter.

The counsels of old age give light without heat, like the sun in winter.