Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

Quote by Woody Allen

Topics: Funny Quotes, Money Quotes

The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue...

The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue...

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.

If my film makes one more person miserable, I've done my job

If my film makes one more person miserable, I've done my job

Just don't take any class where you have to read BEOWULF.

Just don't take any class where you have to read BEOWULF.

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in...

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in...

I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had...

I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had...

Eternity is really long, especially near the end

Eternity is really long, especially near the end

I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had...

I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had...

Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen.

Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen.

I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.

I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.

Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.

Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.

I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me...

I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me...

The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone...

The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone...

I ran into Isosceles. He had a great idea for a new triangle!

I ran into Isosceles. He had a great idea for a new triangle!

If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.

If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.

To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.

To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.

Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer sex raises some...

Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer sex raises some...

I am my beloved, and my beloved is me

I am my beloved, and my beloved is me

You're asking me will my love grow I don't know, I don't know You stick...

You're asking me will my love grow I don't know, I don't know You stick...

It is the same in love as in war; a fortress that parleys is half...

It is the same in love as in war; a fortress that parleys is half...